Vagina Highlighter is Now a Thing

It feels like women of the internet are having a collective aneurism following the launch of the now viral "vaginal highlighter."

Never before has there quite been a product that really raises more questions than it answers. The first being, who looked down at their vulva and thought, "yeah, things are looking pretty good, but you know, it could do with being a bit more glowy."

That's before you even manage the mechanics of where to apply (really, how do you figure out where the light hits juuuuuuust right, a mirror and some ambitious leg maneuvering feels like it just wouldn't cut it) and god, what about those yeast infections? Cause applying a highlighter in and about your business is just asking for a bad time right? And for what? Your delicate lip highlight to be matched down below? Like some deformed playing card?

No thank you.

A post shared by I Spy Vagina (@i_spy_vagina) on

Now, it's no great beauty secret that the lip colour that is meant to flatter your lips most is the one that matches your more intimate area (now try figuring out that Duluxe swatch without getting a few looks) but it seems to be the first time we're taking our cues from up top for down below.

While vaginal plasties and bleaching are unfortunately fairly common place, over the last few years the market has also been introduced with labia paint (for that freshly pumped flush obviously) and glitter bombs. For your vagina.

Please for the love of god don't put glitter in your vagina.

Am I suggesting that all make-up should be kept for the face? Fuck no. Benefit's iconic Benetint was all but created to add a cheeky little bit of rouge to your nipples and I am down like you wouldn't believe with the disco tits trend that has taken festival season by storm. But for them it's a focus on fun and freedom of expression and NOT MESSING WITH THE DELICATE PH BALANCE OF YOUR VAGINA.

The vulva is self cleaning, you got all that good bacteria that you need down there. Which means you probably shouldn't be putting glitter up in there. Or you know, a highlighter. And really, what sort of reaction are you looking for from it? "I fucking love the way your pussy captures the light." Come on now. I know we had the highlighter challenge last year, and our desire to go full glow is still going strong, but this, this is where I draw the line.

Beauty should be fun and about making yourself feel better. Vulva dye and highlighter though? Let's just file this away as a bad idea worth forgetting about okay?

Header Pic: @talktovagina instagram
Glitter Tits: via @thegypsyshrine instagram

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Award winning blogger, full time creep. Pop culture, counter culture and bad jokes. Came here to eat snacks, chat feminism, death and fashion. And guess what? I'm all out of snacks.
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