Being a woman and active on dating apps can be ‘interesting’…for want of a better word. The opening messages you receive from thirsty internet randoms can vary from utterly boring, painfully cringeworthy to outright fucked up. And I’ve had my fair share of all of the above.
It’s a classic. Of meme-worthy proportions. To the point you’d (apparently naively) presume no one would ACTUALLY ever start a conversation with a potential date with that very 5 letter word. But, you are incorrect. They most definitely will.
2. The Cheesy Pick Up Line
Now, I am an avid fan of a good Dad joke or a well thought out pun. But cringey pick up lines just scream I’M TRYING TOO HARD and make me squirm. Try again pal.
3. The Pointlessly Nasty
You’ve matched with someone on Tinder, that presumably you find attractive and want to go on a date with, potentially hook up with or even start a relationship with. What’s the best way to let them know that? Say something pointlessly nasty of course! Everyone finds random men being rude to you a total turn on, right?! * all of the eyerolls *
4. The Utterly Bizarre
I for one am all for being sexually open-minded. Everyone has their own kinks and turn ons and (as long as it’s consensual and not harming anyone) I encourage everyone to explore theirs. However, when it’s your opener to talking to someone for the very first time, I’d probably advise you to keep it to yourself for a more appropriate time further along the conversation.
5. The Outright Inappropriate
These come in abundance. I have screenshot after screenshot of these vile types of messages. And honestly, anyone that sends these kinds of messages to me, or anyone, can get fucked. The fact we matched on a dating app does NOT suddenly give you the right to send things like this. Get. In. The. Bin.
6. The Desperate Double Messager
Sometimes, you find yourself in bed at 1am unable to get to sleep, aimlessly swiping and trawling through the garbage can of available bachelors (bachelorettes always get a swipe right) and all hope of ever getting laid again diminishes with every profile photo of a guy holding a fish. So you end up swiping right on someone, that in the light of a new day, after a solid 8 hours of beauty sleep, is definitely not someone you’d want to wake up to. And instead of the harsh UNMATCH button, you just ignore their initial message and hope they get the hint. But they don’t. Oh bless.
7. The ‘We Didn’t Match On Tinder So I’m Going To Stalk You On The Internet, Find Your Instagram & Message You There Instead’
THIS is my pet hate. If ever there was a way to explain male privilege to millennials, this would be it. Do you not understand the WHOLE concept of dating apps?! I did not swipe right on you = I do not want to talk to you. That is NOT an invitation to completely disregard my privacy and contact me anyway. GO AWAY.
And there we have it. The joys! Who said dating apps weren’t fun…! What’s the worst/funniest/most cringey message you’ve ever received? Send yours over to email@example.com
Header image by : @venuslibido